top of page

Let's Talk


Our privacy promise: We will not sell / use your contact information outside our agency.

Can You Background Check Your Ex-Spouse’s New Partner? [updated 2023]

Background check new spouse family split apart
Background investigation on ex-spouse new live-in partne

Are you feeling concerned about the person your ex is now dating? Do you want to make sure they are a safe and trustworthy individual before allowing them to be around your children or close family members? Conducting a background check on your ex's new partner is a good idea to ensure the safety of your loved ones. In this article, we'll walk you through the process of how to conduct a thorough background check and what information you should look for.

Yes, you can background investigate your ex-spouse's new live-in partner. A background check is a good idea when you see red flags alerting you to potentially adverse circumstances that your children may be facing in their new environment. Knowing more about the ex-spouse's new live-in partner gives you clarity on their integrity and character. The cost to hire a private investigator to background check you former partners new partner range from $416 to $2,000, depending upon how deep you want your inquiry to go.

Why Conduct a Background Check?

It's important to know the background of the people your ex-partner is involved with, especially if they will be around your children or other family members. By conducting a background check, you can find out if the person has a criminal history, if they have any red flags in their background, and if they are a safe person to be around. A background check gives you a snap shot into the character of the person, not the whole picture.

What Information Can You Find in a Background Check?

A background check can reveal a wide range of information about a person, including their criminal history, employment history, and financial history. This information can help you determine if the person is trustworthy and safe to be around.

How To Background Check a Live-In Partner

Naturally, you want to understand that if the answer is yes, you can background check your ex-spouse's live-in partner–how would you do that?

The vital point to remember is to do it. Don't think about it; get it done, as I have seen many private investigation clients wish they had done so at the outset of learning the other person had a new partner.

You Could Roll The Dice With Online Sites

As you are probably aware, many online sites say they know better than a real human private investigator. These websites purport that their purely digital data is a better choice than hiring a professional. I'm afraid I have to disagree; yes, I am biased. But here's why.

Online Background Check Sites Are Scraped Data

Generally speaking, many of these online sources are websites scraping information and using it as their formal data. Data scraping refers to computer programs extracting and moving the data to another site.

Even if the data comes directly from the source, say a courthouse, there still can be errors. Some states report up to 40% inaccurate data.

Online Sources Have No Context

The other pitfall is that these sites offer no context. Likely the context a private investigator can bring to the equation is of far greater value than raw data.

Private investigators look at the entirety of the matter and can make observations and recommendations.

Private investigators can compare data in many locations and even find errors within the data. One moment you think that the person did something errant, but once the private investigator connects other dots, you realize that was the wrong "Roger Smith."

A detective reviews data as a clue, connects data from multiple sources and then relates that to the person's identifiers such as birth date, last known phone number, address history, etc.

Why You Should Background Check Your Ex-Spouse Live-In Partner

You don't know what you don't know. Likely you know little to nothing about your ex-partner's new friend. Your ex-partner may not know much about the person them self, let alone you. We have seen that time and again.

Not conducting a background check is dangerous, not only to your ex-spouse but also to any children that may be involved.

I have found subjects of investigation with such histories as:

  • resisting arrest

  • restraining orders

  • lude and lascivious acts on a minor

  • registered sex offenders

  • spousal abuse

  • lying about employment

  • lying about marital status

  • lying about having children

  • faking credentials

  • lying about academic history

These issues I have uncovered are only scratching the surface. Depending on your situation and all the people involved, you can have a custom background check that will answer the questions you need to know.

How to Conduct a Background Check

There are several ways to conduct a background check on someone, including using online background check services or hiring a private investigator. In this section, we'll go over the steps you can take to conduct a background check on your own.

Step 1: Gather Information

The first step in conducting a background check is to gather as much information as you can about the person. This includes their full name, date of birth, and address. You may also want to gather information about any known associates, including their friends and family members.

Step 2: Use Online Background Check Services

There are several online background check services that you can use to gather information about someone's background. These services typically charge a fee, but they are a convenient way to gather information. Some of the most popular online background check services include BeenVerified, Instant Checkmate, and TruthFinder. But, we share this with a grain of salt. We find so many problems with these sites and the data they share in order to make a buck.

Step 3: Check Criminal Records

One of the most important things to look for in a background check is the person's criminal history. You can check criminal records by searching for the person's name on the website of the local police department or by searching for public records on the website of the local court system.

Step 4: Check Employment and Education

It's also important to check the person's employment and education history. You can find this information by searching for their name on websites like LinkedIn or by contacting their past employers or schools directly.

Step 5: Check Financial History

Finally, it's a good idea to check the person's financial history, including their credit report. You can obtain a credit report by contacting one of the three major credit reporting agencies: Equifax, Experian, or TransUnion.

Background Your Ex's Live-In Partner If Children Are Involved

Having a private investigator should seem obvious, but apparently, it isn't. Most people do not background check their live-in partners, and most ex-spouses do not investigate their ex-spouse's new live-in love interests.

But they should!

background check form
Get a background check and save yourself future problems

Since 2018 I have uncovered 52 cases where if the client had called earlier, they could have avoided a bad situation.

I can't tell you when you call a private investigator...' you should have called me sooner,' nor can any other private investigator say that. That would be rude and inappropriate at that point.

But I want to scream! 'What were you thinking?'

A background investigation does not avoid all potential problems. It is unreasonable to assume that everyone is a bad guy/gal. Just like it is limited to think that a person doesn't turn sour in your relationship and beforehand they had no adverse history.

Just because they never had before doesn't mean they won't start now.

Background Check For The Children's Sake

Don't be someone who says they should have, could have, would have. Be proactive and get it done. Hire a private investigator to ensure the children are in a safe environment.

Please don't leave it up to your ex-partner's reasonable judgment.

sad child sitting alone
Background Check Your Ex’s New Partner

Because when one is "in love," good judgment is thrown out the window. You need to do something if you want to know if your children are in good hands with the new live-in partner/spouse.

When Live-In's Go Bad

Yes, things do go sour with live-in relationships. Here is an example of one:

A client called me and said that her daughter (age 17) had a boyfriend she allowed to move into her home. He was 18, or so he told my client, and was having problems at home with his family and needed somewhere to stay.

She had known him for about six months, and the client seemed okay with him. Then the daughter's live-in boyfriend started to get very possessive, even grabbing her arms.

Now this client was a very educated woman. I cannot figure out why she let an "18" year old stay with her 17-year-old daughter.

She asked me to check his background; I didn't think I would find anything due to his age. But, boy, was I wrong.

He was 27. Yes, he lied about his age and looked very young. He was not from the local area but from across the States.

His background included resisting arrest, assault on a police officer, restraining order, family abuse, and more.

The case mentioned above was shocking and not typical, but dozens of other clients have had serious things happen, including supporting a deadbeat at the risk of their children.

What Kind Of Background Check is Appropriate?

Determining the best background check for your matter is a very particular issue. Private investigators can customize your background investigations to your exact specifications.

What is your situation? Does your ex-spouse communicate well with you? Have they shared information about their new partner? Do you have children with whom you share custody with the other parent? Have you met the new partner, and if so, what red flags do you see, hear or feel?

Since a background investigation is bespoke, every aspect can be custom created to your specific matter in a way that provides meaningful information to know what you may need to do next.

The most appropriate background check will be the one that fits your matter. What you want to know and what is applicable and legal in your situation may not be in another person.

What Can a Background On Ex-Spouse New Love Interest Uncover?

The list of what any type of background check can uncover is long. Again, this comes down to the person under investigation by the private investigator and the particulars of the matter.

What you may look for before hiring the next CEO of Amazon may not be what you are looking for when you want to know more about your ex-spouse's new partner.

Here is a partial list of what you may want to know:

  • Criminal history

  • Address history

  • Employment history

  • Online social media profiles

  • Dishonorable discharges

  • Divorce records

  • Workers compensation claims

  • Falsified military career

  • Fake diplomas or degrees

  • Multiple aliases

  • And many other potential points

How Much Does a Background Check Cost?

The cost of getting to the background investigation can only be determined by how much information you require. I charge $624 for fundamental analysis. Most of my background checks sell for around $950; some will even cost $2,000.

Remember that when hiring a private investigator to conduct the background check, be clear about what you are looking for in the investigation. That way, you can get a price tailored to your exact needs.

Also, note that the footprint of the individual can have a bearing on the cost of the background check. Is the person a high-rolling, dice-throwing Wall Street person? Or are they an average person working a 9-5 driving a Honda Civic? I say this because how large they live life may have a bearing on what you want to know and all the nooks and crannies that a private investigator can look at uncovering.

The simpler the person's life is, the less work it is. But, that is not always the case. I have had some people that live simply because they are on the down-low. The point is that more significant living comes at a cost; that cost will be determined in the background investigation.

Will My Ex-Spouse Know I Am Investigating Their New Partner?

No. Neither your ex-partner nor their live-in partner will know a background investigation is underway.

We work discreetly and quietly. We examine information already available to us through our proprietary sources, government sources, and the like.

shh woman holding finger to her mouth
Every background check is discreetly made

Once the background check is complete, we will inform you of the investigation results, and you can determine if any legal remedies can be made available. Also, you may want to share our findings with a lawyer and see if they can assist you further–perhaps in getting more child custody if children are involved.

How Long Might A Background Investigation Take?

How long it takes for us to look into your ex-spouse's new partner will depend on what exactly you need to know.

Some background investigations can take months. In comparison, others can take a few days.

In most cases, we can have a simple background investigation completed in two days. Others that are more entailed may take a week or two, depending on what we are waiting to understand.


Please do it! Forewarned is forearmed. Don't wait for something to happen, then call a private investigator. Just do it immediately when you can see that your ex-partner has a new partner, especially a live-in partner.

I often get calls from clients telling me a whole list of horror stories, and I wonder why are they calling me now? Why did they not call a detective immediately when they repeatedly saw the writing on the wall?

Caring for the protection and livelihood of your children when your ex gets a new partner is a noble thing to do.

Don't second guess yourself. Invest a little bit into gaining clarity and peace of mind.

Would you background check your ex-partner's new live-in love interest?


bottom of page